Stop Outrunning Yourself

Scrape off the mud

The above audio explains something I did that helped me. There will be more information regarding this method below the first portion of this writing.

Most of us don’t think of ourselves as running away from internal strife.

We’re just staying busy. Staying useful. Staying productive. Staying distracted enough that the hard stuff doesn’t get time to come to the surface.

And to be fair, that makes a bit of sense. Life gives us plenty to do, and it often feels safer to keep moving than to sit still and face what’s hidden underneath. But after a while, you start to notice something: the busier you stay, the more tired you feel—not just in your body, but in your spirit. Like you’re dragging something invisible behind you.

I’ve started thinking of that invisible weight as mud—the kind that doesn’t wipe off easily, but clings in the grooves of your boots until it’s deliberately scraped away.

Not because we’re dirty or broken. Just because we all pick things up.

Old hurts. Old fears. Old disappointments. A rejection you never really processed. A season where you felt betrayed or overlooked. A moment you were embarrassed, bullied, shut down, or made to feel small. Sometimes it’s a big trauma. Sometimes it’s a hundred small cuts you told yourself didn’t matter.

And here’s the tricky part: it isn’t just the “bad” things we hold onto. Even good moments can become hooks if we attach to them too tightly. We start comparing today to a memory, or tomorrow to an expectation, and without realizing it, we create suffering out of something that once brought joy. Life changes. People change. Seasons change. Expectations don’t always change as fast.

Over time, what we don’t work through doesn’t just disappear.

It settles.

A lot of it settles in the body.

You can feel it if you pay attention: tightness in the chest, a knot in the throat, a nervous stomach, clenched jaw, shallow breathing, shoulders that won’t drop. We all have our own version. It’s as if the body keeps a record even when the mind tries to move on.

For me, it settled in my neck years ago. I had some joint issues there, but the tension went deeper than that. Looking back, I can see it was tied to a transition I hadn’t fully acknowledged yet. At the time, I didn’t recognize it as stress. I was still in the early stages of realizing something needed to change. Had I understood then what I’m beginning to understand now, it would have taken a significant load off me.

So I stayed busy. That was my way through it.

We fill our days with noise, tasks, screens, conversation, projects—anything that keeps us from being alone with ourselves. Some people numb out with unhealthy habits. Others numb out with “good” habits taken too far. Either way, the goal is often the same: keep moving so the closet door inside us doesn’t swing open.

But here’s what I’m learning: outrunning yourself doesn’t get rid of anything. It just makes you tired while you carry it.

And the first step isn’t fixing it all.
The first step is simpler—and braver.

Acknowledging that you’re carrying something.

If you’re willing, here’s a starting place. No drama. No big ceremony. Just a small practice to see what’s there.

A Basic Way to Begin

“I am not a therapist, this is just my opinion from what I have learned and experienced”.

1. Take one quiet minute.
Sit down. No phone. No talking. One minute.

2. Scan your body.
Start with your stomach, then chest, throat, jaw, and shoulders. Don’t analyze—just notice.

3. Find the strongest spot.
It might be tightness, pressure, heat, heaviness, or restlessness. Name it plainly.

4. Breathe for three slow breaths while staying with it.
The goal isn’t to force it away. The goal is to be present without panicking.

5. Stop before it becomes too much.
If it feels overwhelming, you’re not failing. That’s wisdom. Open the door an inch, not all the way. Then close it and come back later.

That’s it. Then maybe go for a short walk, or do whatever helps you settle.

Three breaths may not sound like much, but it’s a start. And it’s a different kind of start—one that builds courage instead of pressure.

There’s a powerful idea behind this: when you turn toward what you’ve been avoiding, you’re not reliving the original moment in full force. You’re meeting the imprint it left behind—the echo, the residue. It can still feel intense, but it isn’t the same as the emergency itself. You’re not trapped in the past. You’re noticing what the past deposited in you and scraping the mud off a little at a time.

And little by little, that matters more than we realize.

Each time you pause long enough to notice what you’re carrying—and stay with it for even a few breaths—you let some pressure out of the system. That creates room for some peace, the kind our life was meant to have. And peace gives you strength. Strength gives you the ability to face a little more next time.

It becomes a feedback loop in the right direction.

I’m not writing this as someone who’s “arrived.” I haven’t. I’m writing it because I think many of us are worn out from hauling around things we never intended to carry this long. These reflections were sparked by a video I recently watched—one that helped me put words to something I’ve been feeling for a long time. I hope it helps others, too.

I remember several years ago studying how EMDR cleans the mud “deep seated emotion”. This is something that is used especially for PTSD for Veteran’s. There is a somewhat simple way to do this at home. You can do it by alternate tapping on your body or even with rapid side to side eye movement. You do this while bringing up that memory while feeling the accompanying emotion. What happens is with the alternating movement differing parts of your brain are experiencing this while clearing it out. You do not go past what is comfortable, then settle down and repeat. At the bottom I will have some links for you. Just remember it’s the emotion you want to clear not the memory, but the memory will also somewhat fade as its no longer a trigger.

Maybe the most practical starting point is this:

Stop outrunning yourself—just long enough to listen.

Not to judge what you find.
Not to fix everything today.
Just to admit, quietly and honestly, “There’s something here—and it no longer serves me.”

That honesty is where the work begins.
And it’s also where the weight starts to come off, just like scraping that sticky mud off your boots.

The links I promised!

Barbara Heffernan Lots of help videos

Self guided EMDR Watch the ball go side to side

Tapping EMDR Instructions on how to use alternating tapping.